Tuesday, May 1, 2012


if there is one thing that i could guess was a universal truth, it's that people want to be accepted.  not excepted.  

this has been a resounding theme to life in the palmer household as of late.  jay wants acceptance with his chronic illness.  he wants a solution.  right now, without a solution, he is an exceptance.  he wants to have acceptance.  

i know exceptance isn't a word.  but it is today.

piper wants acceptance.  there was a whole knock-down-drag-out explosive meltdown last night.  about how she doesn't want to do the things that are asked of her because her younger brother doesn't have to do the same thing.  kids are very literal.  she doesn't see that her brother is only mature enough to do the same things that she was doing at that age.  and that because she's older, she has different responsibilities.  she wants acceptance, not exceptance.

none of us wants to be different.  it's a catch 22.  we're all unique but we're all the same.  we want to fit in, we want to be a puzzle piece that matches and is turned just the right way to fit into our place.  we don't want to be that one piece that belongs to a different puzzle and accidentally got mixed into the wrong set.

it's a tough thing to teach, no matter the age, especially when it's not all figured out in the first place.  so what is there to do?  be supportive.  encourage.  demonstrate.  accept.

if i want to be accepted, my mind tells me that i have some accepting to do.  if i except, then i will be excepted. if you want to have a good friend, you have to be a good friend. 

one of the best things i've learned about relationships, and it's probably because i heard it somewhere and can't remember that a person's contribution to a relationship and the value that they hold in that relationship is based on what they can contribute, not what they can take.  every relationship is about being accepted, not excepted.  but one should look at it from the point of view of what can i give to this person?  what can i provide for them?  

there will always be times when a person has to take, too.  but that gives the other person the opportunity to give.  sometimes it's really. really. difficult to give, because it's so easy to feel selfish.  it's so easy to feel slighted, to feel that i'm the one doing all the giving.  it's so easy to feel that we want to give up, and stop reaching out.  but sometimes, the reaching out is what fosters the continued relationship, the feeling of acceptance.  the denial of reaching out gives expentance instead.

sometimes the giving of acceptance is all that is needed.

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