Thursday, April 19, 2012

a promise is a promise

marriage is hard. but it is the best gift i have ever received. marriage is a promise made, and should be a promise kept. the vows that are taken should not be taken lightly.

when it's hard and difficult, why do we keep going?

marriage is a promise made to your spouse. and it is a promise your spouse has made to you.

now, as i was sitting to write this, i was looking for a good quote about promises to include, something that would awe-inspiring and strike a cord....and you know what i found? there are a lot of quotes about breaking promises, but not many about keeping them. there is a plethora of quotes about how promises are foolish, but not much about reaping the benefit of a vow kept.

i wonder why that is. i wonder if promises are made hastily, without full consideration of their weight. i wonder if the consequences are so lightly considered that it's almost impossible to keep their sanctity.

i'm also wondering why promises made are so often what we will do for others.  why don't we make promises about ourselves?  

for example, in the wedding vows, there is mention of the things you will do for the other person.  you will honor them, forsake all others for them, you will love them through all of lives endeavors.  but why don't we promise that we'll love ourselves for them?

i keep thinking there will be a magic point in time when all of the sudden i'm completely comfortable with myself.  now, i have grown a lot, and there are a lot of things about myself that i've quit denying and have started accepting.  but there are still times, all too many, that i doubt myself, my abilities, my intelligence, my kindness toward others.  and this puts a strain on my relationship with others, especially with my husband.  

why, when we marry, don't we promise to the other person that we'll love ourselves, that we'll trust ourselves, that we'll believe in ourselves?  we promise to believe in them, why not ourselves?  when is enough finally enough?  when do we stop doubting, and where does that magically come from?  i don't remember my mom being insecure, but as i'm older, i'm finding that it was probably true.  why is that?  we marry, we have children, we have faith in God, and yet we falter when it comes to examining our inner thoughts and our intentions.  is it truly that there is something in us that makes us that way?  and why does it seem that everyone else has it so together?  believe me, i don't have it all together, and i don't have it all figured out.  i wish i did.  that'd make life so much easier.  

i know that deep down, i'm worthy of the gifts i have received from Him....all of them, including His grace, and yet, i doubt.  i wonder.  i ponder.  it's difficult to accept, i suppose that all of the good things that we receive are truly for us.  and yet it's so easy to accept the bad things when they happen....we blame ourselves.  we just figured it would happen that way anyway, because of some flaw about ourselves that we perceive.  

is there a magic time or turning point that we'll reach in which we finally lean back and say, okay, i'm really alright.  i'm not as bad as i thought.  does it come with age?  wisdom?  experience?  is it something that i can teach to my children to prevent them from second-guessing their every move?  i don't know.  but if someone has the answer, i'd be tickled to know the secret.

maybe it's just a promise that i should make to myself, to my husband, to my children, that i will begin to love myself the way i love them.  

a promise is a promise, after all.

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