impatience

i am extremely impatient.

i very rarely can wait to give gifts to people. i can't remember the last time that Hubs got a gift on christmas...it's almost always before. i do okay with the kids' gifts, but it's really a struggle.

i want results now, i want to see the consequences of actions. i want to see the kids' faces when they open their presents.

sometimes the result is a little...anti-climactic. but, be that as it may, i never lose that spark, that anxiousness of seeing something come to fruition.

this is a really tough thing to deal with when you're, say, delivering a baby.

delivering babies is my all-time, best-thing-ever about my job. i love all parts of my job, but deliveries are the best. educating newly pregnant moms, listening to the heartbeat for the first time, watching as mommies and their bellies grow, seeing men become fathers, answering questions, sometimes at all hours of the day and night, monitoring growth, coaching and cheering through pushing, and finally holding that baby as it takes its first breath is the greatest thing i've ever done in my professional life. however, sometimes, the human body has a will of its own. sometimes, no matter how much medicine we give, or how much coaching we do, that baby will not come until it's darn good and ready.

that was the situation last night. as i raced to the hospital at 12:45am after getting the call that my all-day induction was complete, we pushed. and waited. we coached. and waited. we yawned. and waited. we prayed. and waited. we played tug-of-war with sheets to try to get the baby to turn its head. and waited.

finally, after two and a half hours of pushing, praying, waiting, and deep-breathing, the baby made its appearance. and it was truly, just as magical as if it had come 12 hours earlier.

i know i have to be more patient. i know that. God wants me to. but sometimes, i wonder, why on earth did He make me this impatient?!?

patience is a virtue. and good things come to those who wait. i know. but if those good things are going to come anyway, why can't they just come RIGHT NOW?

my head says that it's because things are supposed to happen in His time, not mine. i'm trying to hold tight to that...that in the end, everything is push.wait.pray.wait.watch.wait.coach.wait. and whatever comes will be beautiful and magical and miraculous.

impatiens, the pretty kind

Psalm 37:7-9
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm. For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land.