Friday, September 7, 2012

what memories will hold...

i suppose this is true of all mothers and fathers.  i wonder and think and try to remember every thing that kids have ever done.  funny sayings, facial expressions, favorite toys....i relive these things over and over, in an effort to memorize them.

to remember-ize them.

and as i was sitting here thinking, i had this realization (which, if my brain was working at.all, i would have realized a long time ago), that while i am concentrating on remember my children, they are making memories of me.

i wonder what my children will remember of me.  i wonder if it will be happy...i hope so.  i wonder if they'll remember me as silly...i'm sure of it.

my first memories begin at about age 2 or 3, which i'm sure is typical for most people.  this was the time that we moved into the house that my dad and step mom live in to this day.  but i remember bits and pieces of the old house, too.  that means that piper has memories stored up for about two years now, and dade is going to start having memories at this time that he'll carry with him until he's grown.

unless they erase them with self-medication like i did...which i pray to God isn't the case.

and it also occurs to me that out of all the things i remember about my childhood, there are a lot of basics that i don't remember, or didn't take the time to know.  what was my mom's favorite color?  what is my dad's favorite food?  jay and i know these things about each other, but i don't know those things about my parents.

so, i suppose, for posterity's sake, i should record some things that i hope my children will want to know about me some day....

my favorite color is yellow.  i love yellow.  the color of the sun, of morning, of cute baby chicks.  i love yellow.

my favorite food changes a lot, but my favorite genre of food is italian.  i love the sauces, the pastas, the spices.

when i was a little girl, i loved school.  i loved to read, i loved to learn.  i still do.  for my whole life, i have been fascinated by science.  i wanted to study the stars, the planets, the constellations.  i loved physics and chemistry and biology.

my grandmother on my dad's side passed away when i was twelve.  she was a MASH nurse in world war II, and from the time that i could remember, i wanted to be a nurse like grandma.  before she died, grandma had to do peritoneal dialysis, and i would sit on the floor while she did her stuff, and listen to stories of the war, of wounded soldiers, of operations conducted under apple trees in france.  i always knew i would go into medicine, but i never dreamed it would be as a physician. 

jay would have been the furthest idea from my mind of who would have been my husband if you'd asked me fifteen years ago.  only because of the lives we led at the time...jay was very much a hell-raiser, and i was very much a goody-two-shoes.  but i thank God every day that He saw where things should go, because now, it's getting hard to remember life before him.

i didn't date that much in high school.  i had a few steady boyfriends.  and i wouldn't change that.  i dated enough to have some experience and some fun, but not so much that i became jaded. 

my favorite book, to date, is "the divine secrets of the ya-ya sisterhood."  i don't know why, but i love that book. 

my favorite musicians include sarah mclachlan, evanescence, pink floyd, and linkin park.  and i love the music i grew up on....creedence clearwater revival, zztop, bruce springsteen.

my best girlfriend of my life is my sister.  through thick and thin, no matter what time of day or night, i can call and she's there.  she and Hubs are the only ones i trust with my whole self. 

my favorite sports to watch are baseball and football.  i will forever be a diehard IU basketball fan.  i will always love the indianapolis colts and the st. louis cardinals. 

i was raised christian but was not baptized until i was 18.  i loved to go to church with my grandma.  i believe in God, and his Son Jesus Christ, and nothing will convince me otherwise.

my favorite teacher in high school was either mr. romary (trig and calculus) or mr. yager (anatomy).  they were the coolest.

my favorite class in all of college was organic chemistry.  although, i did have a comparative class in film and literature, and i loved that, too.  i wrote my senior thesis on the comparison between the film and the novel "fear and loathing in las vegas." 

my favorite rotation in medical school was either family medicine or infectious disease.  i wrote my senior thesis in medical school on a patient with coccidiomycosis. 

my favorite part of my job is truly the relationships that i develop with my patients.  i love that they trust me to come, in the middle of the night, speeding down the highway, to catch their baby, or guide them through their depression, or fix their broken arm, or keep them safe from a heart attack.

jay calls me "baby," and i call him either that or "sweetheart."  it's always been that way.

we danced to sarah mclachlan when we got married.

my favorite scent is lilac.  the prettiest flower is an iris.

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