Saturday, September 8, 2012
where is my easy button?
this year marks two milestones for the hubs and i. it marked, in august, ten years of us being together. and it marked, on june 16th, five years of being married.
that's a lot of stuff to mark in one year.
ten years is a long time. and there have been a lot of things that have happened to us, around us, between us in the last ten years. we've seen happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, bitterness, absolute chaos, death, life, and everything else that the human condition is subject to.
hubs and i have known each other, literally, since the first grade. we went to elementary school together, but we weren't in the same class until third grade. we both had mr. eichenauer, who was a former basketball coach with the curliest hair i've ever seen on a man. there was a particularly messy child in our class, and mr. e used to tip over his desk on a weekly basis so that the child would have to actually clean up and throw things away. nowadays, that'd be wrong. then, it was hilarious.
we went to junior high school together, and it was at that time that i fit in more with the "brains" and he fit in more with the "stoners," because...well, i was a brain and he was a stoner. and those stereotypes were not only correct, but they were true until sometime after high school. that's not to say that's all we were, but that's what we were known for. and that's the way it stayed, even up until the time that people were told we were together. there was a whole lot of, "wow, you're with him/her?" on both sides of the relationship.
but the truth is that we've taught each other quite a bit along the way, good and bad. he's taught me to loosen up when it comes to some things. and he's taught me not to be such a doormat. there was a time in my life when i avoided conflict at all costs, sometimes to the point of losing myself completely. i had a past relationship where i came in second to just about everything else to that person...friends, booze, whatever. and i let that go on for three and a half years. that's not to say there wasn't fun that was had during those three and a half years. there was fun. but it was a sort of fun that i didn't really feel like i was part of. i felt like i was just along for the ride. hubs taught me that you can have that much fun and stand up for your beliefs.
and when things were hard, and we had our trouble involving piper's conception, i would like to believe that i taught him a little bit about loyalty, and respect. and that you don't bail on someone just because they've made a mistake. that if you love someone, and you believe in them, then you accept them for all that they are, flaws and all.
it's not easy. some days are easier than others. but it's never easy. and there is always work to be done. whether it's remembering not to take our bad days out on each other, or remembering to speak to one another with respect, or not roll our eyes when the other has a particular interest.
we don't share all the same interests. we do have quite a few things in common. we enjoy a lot of the same music. we like music that rocks, that's loud, that has a lot of bass, and that has a message. we have to have our coffee in the morning. jay never drank coffee until there was me, but now it's a staple. we like a lot of the same television shows and movies, although he's much more interested in action than i am.
i've learned a lot about him in the last ten years. he loves history, especially anything having to do with ancient egypt or about the mafia. he likes his coffee strong. scratching his back turns him to goo. he has to have the television on in order to go to sleep at night. he loves a thick pair of sweatpants in the winter. he owns more gym shoes than any man i've ever known. his favorite football team is the raiders. he believes his greatest achievement is being a father and a husband. he is fiercely loyal. he cares what others think of him despite his projection of self-confidence, almost to a fault. he wants to help, and he wants to fix things. he holds tight to his friends, no matter the things they've done wrong. it's hard for him to write people off, even if he talks a good game and says he's going to.
the point is....i couldn't imagine ten years ago that we'd be where we are. that'd we'd be in the positions that we're in. and i really think that we have a secret. i guard our secret fiercely, but share it openly....we talk. we communicate. we don't say things to deliberately hurt each other. but we talk. and we tell each other. and we know that that is one thing we have that only we share together.
he's my easy button.