i have begun to challenge myself to do a random act of kindness every day. sometime for someone for no particular reason at all.
i had an issue with a friend needing some help, however, and i rushed to the rescue to the best of my ability. but, in the end, i wound up feeling guilty for not being able to do more.
why is that? why am i not satisfied with the fact that i helped when so many others chose not to?
i'm not doing the RAOK for anything more than the smile that is returned to me. so i wonder if deep down, there is some other selfishness that's turning in my insides that i need to achieve this for some secondary gain. i wonder if that's why i feel guilt about this particular act that i did.
i do truly love to provide for others, and gift them something, or just do something that they need done without them asking. without them expecting it from me all the time. so why the guilt? why the unwanted drama of the soul?
kindness is more than deeds. it is an attitude, an expression, a look, a touch. it is anything that lifts another person. -- neil strait
maybe my desire to please other people is just not selfless enough yet. maybe i need to continue to grow in that respect. i need to make the attitude stick and be second nature that my RAOK is purely for their benefit, and purely selfless in nature. i want to be nice just to be nice, not because i'm getting something out of it.
think i can? it's worth a shot.